Moving to a new city to live with new people is terrifying. You’ve read all the Buzzfeed articles, you’ve located your new house-mates on the Freshers Facebook page and started a chat, you feel prepared. Unfortunately, no amount of internet homework can prepare you for the people you’ll meet. You will laugh, cry and get absolutely mortal (drunk) with these people, probably end up hating them all, yet still have time for that cuppa round the kitchen table on a Thursday morning (Wednesday is social night).
1. The Seemingly Innocent One
This person is the embodiment of loveliness itself. Always the one to get up and put the kettle on or offer words of encouragement and make-up aid on a night out. However, let them play Cards Against Humanity and you’ll witness a sinisterly evil dark side.
2. The One on the Brink of Insanity
This person has a taste for the dramatic. Most of the time the friendship is completely normal, but fast-forward to the night before an essay deadline and you’ll have more missed calls than my parents when the student loan runs out.
3. The Genuinely Insane One
The genuinely insane person can be hard to spot, they look like anyone else – totally ordinary. But no. Inside the insane one is a desire to see the world burn. This is the kind of wild child who would have ran with the scissors. Never tell them they can’t do something or ask for suggestions of fun activities, unless you have a death wish.
4. The Social Media Slut
“Amazing #scenery #swans #river #sights #peaceful #sunset”. The social media slut can often be found attached to their phone or some other internet-connected device. This person is generally the one with the 100 second Snapchat story of the previous night. #player.
5. The Gym Bunny
This person at some point developed an intolerance to carbohydrates. Whenever they are noticeably absent the general consensus is that they are ‘at the gym’ and when cooking a meal there is an unspoken rule that it must contain chicken. The gym bunny is happy to help, regularly offering/insisting to train others, just don’t touch their super-foods.
6. The Naked One
Any reason is a good reason for this person to get naked. Typically of the Northern variety, they can be found wandering the corridor in only boxer shorts at any time of the day with no apparent purpose. And yes, they are generally of the male persuasion.
7. The Posh One
“I’m just so excited for my avocado sandwich” said no one ever. This is generally the person who will have weird non-studenty food in their shelf of the fridge, items such as ‘salmon’. However, they’re also guaranteed to have really cool stuff and a wardrobe full of colour-schemed clothing that they’ll be more than happy to let you borrow.
8. The Social Butterfly
This person is totally up for social interaction and group hangouts. They will know literally everyone you meet, something that will make you feel like you’re accompanying the queen around campus, what with all the waving that occurs.
9. The One With Their Life Together
You’ll be sat in the kitchen at 4pm eating burnt pizza and they’ll will breeze in on their way to the library. Part of you will hate the work ethic of this one, but part of you will be secretly jealous of their dedication to their various sports. Also, they’ll probably have a better social life than you so don’t even bother trying to compete. This person is who your parents dream of you becoming.
10. The Cliché
And this is what your parents secretly dread you’ll turn into. You know all the stereotypes of student living? Sleeping, watching films, eating nothing but pot noodles for 6 straight weeks because of being too broke to buy groceries? Well this exists. This person has probably not picked up a pen since enrolling on their course or opened a textbook in even longer.